SPACE CADETS

#68 - A compass and maps, beer, lightning bugs, and apple fritters

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SPACE CADETS 

Harvey Davidson was out on his back deck putting the final touches on the doll house he had made for his granddaughter. He was also enjoying his first cold mug of homebrew he’d brewed. 

The sun was going down into the forest that bordered his backyard. 

His eyes caught some movement below the sun. He assumed it was just the normal evening activity of the local deer. 

He knew the habits of these deer and those habits would ensure a freezer full of venison for the family over the winter. Hunting season would open soon. 

But it wasn’t deer that walked out of the forest into his yard. Two men were walking towards Harvey waving “Hello”. Human activity in these woods was rare. 

Initially alarmed, he was relieved by their friendly gestures. 

As the men neared, they slowed down, as if unsure of their welcome. And now closer, Harvey saw - Are they wearing masks? 

A few more steps revealed the men as The Lone Ranger and Tonto. They wore Halloween store costume clothing. 

“What the - “, muttered Harvey under his breath, stifling a laugh. 

They also wore Covid masks which made them even more - weird, especially The Lone Ranger who now wore two masks. 

“Hello”, said Tonto, quickly followed by The Lone Ranger’s “Hello”. 

“Please allow me to introduce ourselves. I am Rovin,” said Tonto. “This is Homie.”

“Hello. I’m Harvey,” said Harvey in a questioning manner? - “What are you doing here? And take off those masks. Among other things, I can’t hear you.” 

“Oh, sorry,” they said taking off the masks. 

“We thought it was a fashion statement. It’s trending, isn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t know.” 

The Lone ranger asked about his eye mask.  

“It’s okay,” said Harvey. 

“We are lost, my friend.” said Tonto. 

Harvey could tell that English wasn’t their native language but couldn’t pin down the accent. 

“Where are you boys from?”  

“We’re three galaxies up the cosmos from here. Not too far away.” 

‘Our navigation system is broken,” added the Lone Ranger. 

“What?” said Harvey. 

"The compass in our liteship is spinning around and around. We can go where we can see, but we are unsure of the direction otherwise. We are lost.” 

“Can’t you use the stars? Your liteship?? What do you mean?” Harvey asked. 

“Stars look different here,” answered the Lone Ranger.  

“You earthlings would call our liteship a UFO,” said Tonto. “Homie just got this one.” 

“What??” 

“Yeah, it’s a trade in,” said the Lone Ranger. 

“We are looking for the Devil’s Tower.” added Tonto. 

“Devil’s Tower? In West Virginia? Never heard of it.” 

“No, my friend. In your state of Wyoming.” 

“Wyoming!? You boys really are lost. That’s hundreds of miles from here. You got to go west.” 

“I told you so, Kemosabe,” said Tonto. (There are those who believe that Kemosabe is an Indian word for “not playing with a full deck”.) 

“I told you the stars look different here, Tonto!” said The Lone Ranger. (There are those who believe that Tonto is another Indian word for “not too bright”.) 

“We’re here to celebrate your movie ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’. It’s a great flick. You earthlings make great movies. We’re meeting here from all over the universe.”  

The Lone Ranger added, “The last celebration on Earth was terrific. It is like your Burning Man. You know, Cosplay. This time we have a western theme as we’re visiting the Cowboy State.” 

“We’ve never seen you,” said Harvey. 

“Yes, we know.” said Tonto. “Your Leaders want to keep us secret, though they couldn’t do much if we thought otherwise. Might scare folks, they say. We just want to party and see the sights.  

“It’s a beautiful planet you have here. You guys look like fun. It’s too bad. 

“So, we throw up a shield to conceal our coming and going and we keep to ourselves. It’s just a fun weekend away from the same old same old, you know. No big deal.” 

“So, what do you want from me? Directions? You need a compass?” 

“That would be terrific,” said Tonto. 

“I have a compass. With your charts you should have no problem.” 

The Lone Ranger replied sheepishly, "I don’t know how to use a real compass. And no charts. It's part of our software that’s on the fritz. It thinks and does everything for us. Except when it doesn’t.” 

“I didn’t really trust that guy who sold you that ride,” said Tonto. 

The Lone Ranger looked as if they had discussed this before. 

“Okay. I have maps. I'll show you,” Harvey said. “Well, have a seat. I’ll go get them. Feel like a beer?” 

“Oh, boy!” They said in unison, sitting down at the deck’s picnic table. 

“Is it Bud Light?” asked the Lone Ranger. 

“No.” Harvey said with a questioning sideways look. “Made it myself. You’ll like it.” 

Harvey returned shortly with three mugs of mead over ice, a compass, and a couple of maps. 

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were out in the yard chasing lightning bugs.  

Harvey didn’t know what to think. 

“These are delightful. Never seen them before. How do they light up like that?” pondered the Lone Ranger. 

“Here’s the beer!” They came back up on the porch.

“Cheers!” said Harvey. 

They guzzled the beer down with Tonto saying between swigs, “This is really good - you made this? Can I get the recipe?” 

Harvey said, “I’m sure you can Google it. Search ‘Homemade Mead’.” 

“I’d like a Cinnabon,” the Lone Ranger added. “They are delicious! Love that sugar high.” 

“Good grief, Man!” Tonto said. 

“What?” the Lone Ranger responded. 

Harvey detected a bit of ADHD in the Lone Ranger. 

“Well, I don’t have Cinnabons but I have some apple fritters I made this morning. You’ll like ‘em. I’ll be right back.” 

Upon his return with the fritters, they dove in. Soon nothing was left but white sugar crystals on their lips. 

The Lone Ranger said, “Wow! Thank you! They go great with beer. Can I get the recipe?” 

“I’m sure you can Google it. Search ’Apple Fritters’,” said Harvey. 

The twilight had faded into a moonless night. 

“Look here. I’ll show you how to use the compass.“  

Harvey led The Lone Ranger and Tonto out into the yard. 

Harvey pointed to the North Star, Polaris, while showing them the compass. “See that star? That’s Polaris. From Earth, that’s north.” 

They caught on to how to work the compass and maps pretty fast and soon had plotted their way to the Devil’s Tower. Tonto had the greater aptitude for such things. 

Reluctantly, Tonto said, “Harvey, we have to go. We have to check in at Devil’s Tower before midnight or we lose our deposit. You have been a great help. And friend. We thank you.” 

”Can we come to visit you again? We’ll return your compass and maps.” added the Lone Ranger. 

“Oh, you can keep them as souvenirs. But come back any time you like. You boys are alright. Have fun at the Devil’s Tower.” 

The Lone Ranger and Tonto and Harvey were clumsy with the goodbye handshake - a combination handshake, fist bump, and choreographed routine they must have seen in some movie.  

They saluted farewell and disappeared back into the woods. 

Shortly thereafter there was a - “Honk, Honk”, like someone pulling out of the driveway and waving goodbye. 

If he hadn’t been looking in their direction, or had he blinked his eyes, he would have missed the greenish white flash of light that streaked starward through the dark. 

“I like those guys. Hope they come back.”

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